No News Is Ridiculous News

If you're not from Arizona or have never lived in Arizona (which I think is none of our reader) then you probably don't know about our local news website, azcentral.com. They provide some legitimate news and pertinent Arizona-related information, but most of the time I find headlines like the ones below:

Oops, this is considered important news. But hey, the wake story included a picture of this dead guy propped up against a wall:

I only hope I can look this awesome when I die.

Something Special For The Cat Lady In Your Life

So Rissa has recently entered the world of cat ownership. Her cat’s name is Isi and she is adrobs. Isi was a teenage cat mother that Rissa found on Craigslist and now totally loves. ANYWAY, I fear she's a pink robe and an old pair of sweatpants away from becoming a legal citizen of Cat Ladyland. For example, as she mentioned previously, she watches movies like The Notebook with her cat and has posted a couple of videos on YouTube which can be found here (for your enjoyment).

So, I started thinking about all of the gift doors that have been opened now that she has become a cat lady. After a bit of googling, it seems the cat ladies of the world have really mobilized their feline-themed products on the world wide internets because I was provided with many gift ideas for future birthdays, Christmas, Labor Day, Valentine’s Day, Earth Day, etc. Below is a sample of the items that Rissa can expect to receive on all holidays for the rest of her life:

1. The most obvious gift is a subscription to Cat Fancy magazine. Here is where she can read heart-warming cat tales (PUN) like “one cat’s bicycle journey through South America”.

2. These figurines. The purple one is whimsical, while the red one has the market cornered on sassy.

3. *Singing* Here comes Cat-a Clause, here comes Cat-a Clause, right down Cat-a Clause lane…

4. This door stop so she can keep or herd of cats inside, or let them roam freely.

5. These adorrifying cat earrings that detach at the torso.

6. This Faberge cat jewelry box to keep all of her cat earrings in.

7. These cat salt and pepper shakers (and napkin holder!) for parties on Caturday.

8. These socks to keep her paws warm at night. BAD NEWS. These are currently out of stock due to high demand!

9. And finally, this stroller/cat prison for her to safely take her babies out for afternoon strolls. As you can see, it has many great features and is 30% larger than the original PetStroller (bonus!).

And there you have it!

I'm Not Cool Enough To Be a Part of the American Family

Today I was watching The Notebook by myself in my one bedroom apartment with my cat; truly, it was the most single-woman-experience I've had thus far. The only thing missing was a pint of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia, since the silent tears were definitely there (dignity=none). It was airing on ABC Family and during the movie there were several commercials for ORIGINAL ABC FAMILY PROGRAMMING.

I saw commercials for three different shows: Greek, Secret Life of the American Teenager, and something something Lincoln Street. Greek is about bitchy, smarmy, long-haired boys and girls drinkin', goin' to class, partyin', pledgin', and of course, LIVIN' IT UP COLLEGE-STYLE, which most likely includes giving some fat kid the nickname "Lunchbox." Secret Life is about high school kids doing the same thing, but also getting pregnant at 16. Finally, something something Lincoln Street is about a Black family.

I know what you're thinking - bad punchline. Good thing that was not the punchline. The payoff is this - the ABC Family channel motto for their original programming is "ABC Family - a NEW kind of family." According to this great motto, here are the essential elements of the NEW kind of American family:

-wispy bangs
-pledgin'
-being a totally amoral sophomore in high school who doesn't double bag it when they should
-layered shirts
-flat ironed hair
-wacky college pranks that most likely "go wrong"
-being a bitch
-date rape
-being Black (no one was Black in America before, whew!)

That's cool, ABC. I understand I'm not part of the new America. I'm just some stupid 23 year-old who hasn't gotten pregnant and didn't pledge to TriDelt.




You are SO welcome. (P.S. Et tu Molly Ringwald???!!!)

Things I'm Addicted To: Mad Men

Per usual, I’m late on a trend. I recently started watching Mad Men and I LOVE IT. In an unhealthy way. Anytime I’m not watching it, I think about watching it. The clothes, the constant smoking and drinking, the overt chauvinism, the racism…Wait. Why do I love this show? Because it’s f-ing awesome, that’s why. Seriously, all one of our reader should watch it if they aren’t.

Mad Men is on AMC (WTF, is there anything else on this channel?) and is about a Manhattan advertising agency in the early 1960s (the “Mad” stands for Madison Avenue. It’s a DOUBLE-ENTENDRE).

Even the opening credits are awesome

As I mentioned earlier, because it takes place in the early 1960s, there’s a lot of male chauvinism, racism, and secretary banging. Mad Men has two tickets on the PC Fail Train. I should be offended by most of what I see and hear, but I giggle and then want MORE.

Somebody put together a video of the top 10 Un-PC moments on Mad Men which covers some, but not all of the really good ones.

If I could have sex with a show, it would be Mad Men and then Mad Men would probably give me syphilis in return. When you start watching it reader, you will want to have sex with it too. Remember to use a condom though because this show will have sex with anyone.

Most Flattering Picture: Baby Head

God, that title is terrible. I'm sorry. But on the bright side, here's another flattering picture of me. Taken just yesterday, no less. This is from a baby shower I attended that had adorable/horrifying cupcakes with little frosting babies on top of them. This is me eating the baby head. Notice that you can't really tell where my face ends and my neck begins.

It's not the most Most Flattering Picture, but I'm putting it in the running.

Here's a picture of the cupcakes if you're wondering what they looked like:

Adorrifying indeed.

No Explanation Needed

My FAIL Moment

Oh. My. God. You guys. Ever since I've learned about the FAIL Blog I've been wanting to submit my own Fail to the site. Today my dreams have come true. So I was trolling one of the classiest websites that the Internets have to offer, UsMagazine.com (I know, I know, you expected better of me, but I NEED to know the latest trends in bangs and what The Jonas Brothers looked like when they were 7 years old), when I came across my first Fail.

I would love to submit it to the FAIL Blog, but I think the wounds are a little too fresh on this particular Fail and it would come across as distasteful. Sooo, I've decided to put it on my own blog because, let's face it, my standards are pretty low. I've even put it in the FAIL format.

You're Welcome.