Things I'm Addicted To: Soul Calibur IV

If you don’t know what Soul Calibur is, you’re probably in a better place in your life right now than me (and most likely a lot cooler). I became addicted to this game during college when it was out for Nintendo Gamecube and spent many-a-night playing it mindlessly when I clearly should have been studying.


Soul Calibur is a Mortal Kombat-style fighting game and that’s about it. It has practically no story line, terrible voice acting, scantily-clad characters and is easy to learn how to play.

I haven’t played Soul Calibur for a couple of years, but I knew I was in trouble when the husband told me that Soul Calibur IV was going to be released for PS3. I became jittery like a recovering alcoholic in a room full o’ booze. Said husband picked up the game on the day it was released, I learned the new controls, and am now fully addicted to The Calibur again. You want proof? I’m developing a nerd blister on my left thumb.

You guys, this is pretty much what I look like when I’m playing:

That said, I would like to discuss the completely ridiculous nature of Soul Calibur. I’m absolutely convinced this game was developed by a basement full of 13 year old boys with an unlimited supply of Mountain Dew and Cheetos. Here are some reasons that I believe this to be true:

1. The lack of clothing for female characters and size of lady chesticles. All of the female characters look like this:

2. The “story line” incorporates words like “destiny” and “fate” but in a nonsensical way like, “The wind is my destiny and you shall not prevail!”. This could only be written by 13 year old boys who put all of their pubescent effort into creating point number 1 above.

3. Random presence of Darth Vader in a game otherwise filled with medieval-type characters. Yes nerds, in case you’re wondering, he fights with a light saber and can use the force.

Still, I am hopelessly addicted. Here’s an overview of the game for those of you who have lives and don’t have time to learn Talim’s grab attack and scissor kick combo:

P.S. - The guy who does this game review is also Rissa's boyfriend.