There are a lot of people who look to me for fashion advice (no one looks to me for fashion advice), but I'm going to share some special tips with you all right now. Prepare to fill your eye holes and brain space with some great fall fashions, all of which will be in my closet SOON. These are perfect for any business office environment and for those evenings out with friends and/or lovers.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Blog Assignment # 1 - RESPONSE
Sorry this response took me a couple of days, guys. I WAS BUSY. I know you've been refreshing this website over and over just waiting for my response, so here it is.
IVAN AND GRETA - A CAT TRAGEDY
Ivan was no stranger to sadness. He was used to daily meals of melancholy for lunch and heartbreak for dinner. As he sat on the couch, the remote control in one paw and his cat parts in the other, he stared blankly at the television screen. Dancing with the Stars was on, but he didn’t see Joey Lawrence get a perfect score from all three judges. She was all that he could think about. The beer sitting next to him had provided little comfort. What was the point in living if she wasn’t with him?
Ivan reminisced about the bar in Havana (cats are allowed to go there) where he first met her. It was summertime. He was lazily sipping on a Gin and Tuna when he glanced up and their eyes met. She quickly downed her Catniptini and sauntered over to him. Her name was Greta and she was the most beautiful cat hooker that Ivan had ever laid eyes on. Ivan and Greta spent the whole summer together making sweet cat love and doing other things that I’m sure there are to do in Cuba(?). As winter drew closer, Ivan became more and more anxious. It was time for him to get back to Alaska. Snow machine racing season was starting soon and as the defending world champion, he needed to be there. How could he convince her to leave the beautiful tropical setting and relocate to the harsh cold of the Alaskan wilderness? Even though you can see Russia from some parts of Alaska, he knew this would not be enough to convince her.
He nervously asked her if she would go with him, and to his amazement, she agreed! They made the trip to Alaska and had settled into a new routine of sitting by the fire and hunting endangered wolves by plane when tragedy struck. One day when Ivan was out snow machine racing, he received a news alert on his T-Mobile Sidekick iD that an astroid was headed straight for Alaska! In fact, it was headed straight for the log cabin that he and Greta shared! It was going to impact in minutes! He tried to dial Greta's phone number as fast as he could, but because he didn't have opposable thumbs, things were difficult. By the time he was able to call her, it was too late. The asteroid had destroyed the trailer and Greta was gone forever.
Ivan snapped out of it just in time to see Kristy Yamaguchi do the splits at the end of her routine to Ricky Martin's "Shake Your Bon Bon". Ivan decided it was time for another beer.
THE END.
IVAN AND GRETA - A CAT TRAGEDY
Ivan was no stranger to sadness. He was used to daily meals of melancholy for lunch and heartbreak for dinner. As he sat on the couch, the remote control in one paw and his cat parts in the other, he stared blankly at the television screen. Dancing with the Stars was on, but he didn’t see Joey Lawrence get a perfect score from all three judges. She was all that he could think about. The beer sitting next to him had provided little comfort. What was the point in living if she wasn’t with him?
Ivan reminisced about the bar in Havana (cats are allowed to go there) where he first met her. It was summertime. He was lazily sipping on a Gin and Tuna when he glanced up and their eyes met. She quickly downed her Catniptini and sauntered over to him. Her name was Greta and she was the most beautiful cat hooker that Ivan had ever laid eyes on. Ivan and Greta spent the whole summer together making sweet cat love and doing other things that I’m sure there are to do in Cuba(?). As winter drew closer, Ivan became more and more anxious. It was time for him to get back to Alaska. Snow machine racing season was starting soon and as the defending world champion, he needed to be there. How could he convince her to leave the beautiful tropical setting and relocate to the harsh cold of the Alaskan wilderness? Even though you can see Russia from some parts of Alaska, he knew this would not be enough to convince her.
He nervously asked her if she would go with him, and to his amazement, she agreed! They made the trip to Alaska and had settled into a new routine of sitting by the fire and hunting endangered wolves by plane when tragedy struck. One day when Ivan was out snow machine racing, he received a news alert on his T-Mobile Sidekick iD that an astroid was headed straight for Alaska! In fact, it was headed straight for the log cabin that he and Greta shared! It was going to impact in minutes! He tried to dial Greta's phone number as fast as he could, but because he didn't have opposable thumbs, things were difficult. By the time he was able to call her, it was too late. The asteroid had destroyed the trailer and Greta was gone forever.
Ivan snapped out of it just in time to see Kristy Yamaguchi do the splits at the end of her routine to Ricky Martin's "Shake Your Bon Bon". Ivan decided it was time for another beer.
THE END.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Blog Assignment #1
My dad is a teacher, and at his "staff meeting," which I put in quotes because of the information that is to follow, he and his fellow staff members were told to do the following:
1. Look at this picture of a cat and a beer bottle
2. Describe the events that led up to that picture being taken(?)
My dad did not stand for that shit, and subsequently wrote nothing, because that's what The Man wants. Randi and I, however, were inspired - inspired to write the first blog assignment. I am also a teacher, so that means I know A LOT about school. And in school, we teachers give assignments, because that is how people learn facts and factoids and information. Or something. I never went to a class about this teaching shit.
So, Randi, please:
1. Look at this picture of a cat and a beer bottle
2. Describe the events that led up to that picture being taken
My response will be posted after yours, because I have to give my slutty cat a bath after she ran away, probably rubbed herself against the undercarriage of a car, then got stuffed by some neighborhood boy cat. And cat bathing takes time.
1. Look at this picture of a cat and a beer bottle
2. Describe the events that led up to that picture being taken(?)
My dad did not stand for that shit, and subsequently wrote nothing, because that's what The Man wants. Randi and I, however, were inspired - inspired to write the first blog assignment. I am also a teacher, so that means I know A LOT about school. And in school, we teachers give assignments, because that is how people learn facts and factoids and information. Or something. I never went to a class about this teaching shit.
So, Randi, please:
1. Look at this picture of a cat and a beer bottle
2. Describe the events that led up to that picture being taken
My response will be posted after yours, because I have to give my slutty cat a bath after she ran away, probably rubbed herself against the undercarriage of a car, then got stuffed by some neighborhood boy cat. And cat bathing takes time.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
If You Have Kids, Make Sure This Is At Your Next Party
This is a video of a new trend in children’s party entertainment. All one of our reader should make sure they have it at their kid’s next birthday party. Little Timmy is guaranteed to love it and so will his friends...
*Cue barfing and laughing and then barfing and laughing again*
Important News Alert
Hello, azcentral.com. What’s important in the news today? I hear there is a lot going on with the election. Also, aren’t there several developing hurricanes that could kill people? Oh, ok, I see why this is your top story:
APPLESAUCE FIGHTS!!1!
APPLESAUCE FIGHTS!!1!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
It's A Blogirthday Card!
Today is Randi's birthday, so here's a birthday card in blog form for her special day.
I told Isi that it was your birthday and this is what she did:
Happy Blogirthday Randi!
I told Isi that it was your birthday and this is what she did:
Happy Blogirthday Randi!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Tribute Videos Are My Blog and Butter
So Rissa had a pretty politically-charged post last night. It’s still unclear who she’s going to vote for this November, right guys? (I excel at sarcasm).
But let’s ignore the political FAILtrain that is the McCain/Palin ticket (oops, I said it) and lighten the mood, shall we? In the aforementioned post, Rissa said that she would rather “Make a tribute video for YouTube about your favorite moderately-known TV star to a really awesome Fall Out Boy jam” than watch the RNC.
Um, done. I give you this tribute video for Paranormal State star (and Rissa’s boyfriend) Ryan Buell:
But let’s ignore the political FAILtrain that is the McCain/Palin ticket (oops, I said it) and lighten the mood, shall we? In the aforementioned post, Rissa said that she would rather “Make a tribute video for YouTube about your favorite moderately-known TV star to a really awesome Fall Out Boy jam” than watch the RNC.
Um, done. I give you this tribute video for Paranormal State star (and Rissa’s boyfriend) Ryan Buell:
I think the new title of this blog is going to be I’m Gonna Blog Your Mind With All of These YouTube Tribute Videos. I’m pretty sure I speak for the world when I say shame on you/thanks Internet for these.
Bonus: Here’s another one that I like that’s 8 minutes long and is a lot angstier:
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Five Better Things To Do Rather Than Watch The RNC
CNN and other news organizations that Murdoch shit out after eating a foot-long chili coney from Sonic are sure all over that RNC, and how awesome McCain and Joe Lieberman and Bush and Cheney and Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget are. But I thought - you know what? I bet there are a TON of better things to do than even look at this headline about Lieberman teabagging McCain. For you, reader, I have compiled it in crispy, nougat center list format.
1. Get drunk and fall in a gutter full of dogshit. Sobering up/cleaning that off will take awhile.
2. Almost get date raped. Make the obligatory myspace post and journal about it afterward.
3. Make a tribute video for youtube about your favorite moderately-known TV star to a really awesome Fall Out Boy jam.
4. See how deep you can cut yourself until you pass out. I bet it's pretty deep - and I bet you pass out for a while.
5. Punch your fist through a wall; preferably attempt to punch it through a brick wall. That agonizing crunch of bone, cartilage, and veins will REALLY distract you from the fact that the nation is on the edge of a knife, about to choose a tyrannical party to lead for the third time because FETUSES ARE PEOPLE TOO AND JESUS LOVES THEM.
1. Get drunk and fall in a gutter full of dogshit. Sobering up/cleaning that off will take awhile.
2. Almost get date raped. Make the obligatory myspace post and journal about it afterward.
3. Make a tribute video for youtube about your favorite moderately-known TV star to a really awesome Fall Out Boy jam.
4. See how deep you can cut yourself until you pass out. I bet it's pretty deep - and I bet you pass out for a while.
5. Punch your fist through a wall; preferably attempt to punch it through a brick wall. That agonizing crunch of bone, cartilage, and veins will REALLY distract you from the fact that the nation is on the edge of a knife, about to choose a tyrannical party to lead for the third time because FETUSES ARE PEOPLE TOO AND JESUS LOVES THEM.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
