Blog Assignment # 1 - RESPONSE

Sorry this response took me a couple of days, guys. I WAS BUSY. I know you've been refreshing this website over and over just waiting for my response, so here it is.

IVAN AND GRETA - A CAT TRAGEDY


Ivan was no stranger to sadness. He was used to daily meals of melancholy for lunch and heartbreak for dinner. As he sat on the couch, the remote control in one paw and his cat parts in the other, he stared blankly at the television screen. Dancing with the Stars was on, but he didn’t see Joey Lawrence get a perfect score from all three judges. She was all that he could think about. The beer sitting next to him had provided little comfort. What was the point in living if she wasn’t with him?

Ivan reminisced about the bar in Havana (cats are allowed to go there) where he first met her. It was summertime. He was lazily sipping on a Gin and Tuna when he glanced up and their eyes met. She quickly downed her Catniptini and sauntered over to him. Her name was Greta and she was the most beautiful cat hooker that Ivan had ever laid eyes on. Ivan and Greta spent the whole summer together making sweet cat love and doing other things that I’m sure there are to do in Cuba(?). As winter drew closer, Ivan became more and more anxious. It was time for him to get back to Alaska. Snow machine racing season was starting soon and as the defending world champion, he needed to be there. How could he convince her to leave the beautiful tropical setting and relocate to the harsh cold of the Alaskan wilderness? Even though you can see Russia from some parts of Alaska, he knew this would not be enough to convince her.

He nervously asked her if she would go with him, and to his amazement, she agreed! They made the trip to Alaska and had settled into a new routine of sitting by the fire and hunting endangered wolves by plane when tragedy struck. One day when Ivan was out snow machine racing, he received a news alert on his T-Mobile Sidekick iD that an astroid was headed straight for Alaska! In fact, it was headed straight for the log cabin that he and Greta shared! It was going to impact in minutes! He tried to dial Greta's phone number as fast as he could, but because he didn't have opposable thumbs, things were difficult. By the time he was able to call her, it was too late. The asteroid had destroyed the trailer and Greta was gone forever.

Ivan snapped out of it just in time to see Kristy Yamaguchi do the splits at the end of her routine to Ricky Martin's "Shake Your Bon Bon". Ivan decided it was time for another beer.

THE END.

Blog Assignment #1

My dad is a teacher, and at his "staff meeting," which I put in quotes because of the information that is to follow, he and his fellow staff members were told to do the following:

1. Look at this picture of a cat and a beer bottle
2. Describe the events that led up to that picture being taken(?)

My dad did not stand for that shit, and subsequently wrote nothing, because that's what The Man wants. Randi and I, however, were inspired - inspired to write the first blog assignment. I am also a teacher, so that means I know A LOT about school. And in school, we teachers give assignments, because that is how people learn facts and factoids and information. Or something. I never went to a class about this teaching shit.

So, Randi, please:

1. Look at this picture of a cat and a beer bottle


2. Describe the events that led up to that picture being taken

My response will be posted after yours, because I have to give my slutty cat a bath after she ran away, probably rubbed herself against the undercarriage of a car, then got stuffed by some neighborhood boy cat. And cat bathing takes time.