The Internet Has Welcomed Me to Its Folds - It Smells Like Catfood

Hello reader! I see you. Put down that Totinos pizza roll.

As you obviously know, my sister Randi is the most famous blogger in West Blogsborough. Her shining blog estate resides just north of New York Times op-ed archives and just to the east of Muff Dive Amateurs Live. And, as a famous-yet-humble celeblogrity, she has welcomed me into the French doors of her blogtation and offered me a small tumbler of the heady yet floral Chance At Internet Fame.

So to you, reader-guy, let me introduce myself. I am Rissa, the Mercury to Randi’s Sailor Moon, or at least the one that had the lame weapon and really long hair. Didn’t one own a cat? I digress. I will blog about largely similar topics to Randi, yet our entries will differ in the following ways:
-improved use of “motherfucker”
-more semicolons; I use them a lot
-references to the hemorrhoid of a town, Las Cruces, New Mexico
-I didn’t like The Dark Knight

So check back to Blog Your Mind often, because this is probably the last post I’ll ever write, and you’ll spend the rest of your visits to the site wondering why that bitch ever posted in the first place. In the meantime, have a hamster:

Most Flattering Picture - UPDATE

Way back, about six posts ago, I had shared what I believed to be my most flattering picture ever. NEVER MIND. I forgot about one.


So yeah, you're welcome, Internet.

No, Paris Hilton, Just...No

Here's a clip from Repo! The Genetic Opera in which Paris Hilton plays some part and sings. She's wearing a black wig. You'll be able to tell it's her because she's terrible.

(cue typewriter music)

Dear Paris Hilton,

Please stop singing and trying to act in movies. We’ll pass.

Hugs & Kisses,
The World

Who am I kidding? I'm probably going to see this (*whispered*) because it's a musical.

RAVOTD: Craig vs.Wild

I'm trying to maintain a good blog/life balance but today there is much to discuss.

So, speaking of Things I'm Addicted To, a past Thing I Used To Be Addicted To was survival shows, especially Man vs. Wild on The Discovery Channel. Hello, Bear Grylls. I found this video on one of my favorite blogs and immediately wanted to share with my reader.

It's Too Early In The Morning For Truck Nuts

Ah, truck nuts.

You’ve probably seen them dangling ever so subtly from the back of a giant truck (may also be accompanied by a confederate flag decal). They seem to have been discussed and lamented by many a soccer mom all over the webernets. As one person so precisely stated while discussing them on their blog, “truck nuts are the reason the terrorists hate us”. I agree. Truck nuts are a societal FAIL. The other day whilst driving to work and drinking my Cinnamon Vanilla Coffeemate-laden coffee, I saw a shiny maroon pair of truck nuts swaying back and forth on the giant truck in front of me at a stop light. It was too early in the morning for truck nuts.

After truck nuts came up in a discussion during dinner recently, I decided to google them. Guess what I found? It seems many truck nuts owners are similar!?! Who would have known. Below are my four favorite “original” truck nuts poses. Hey laaaadies! My guess is that these guys are probably available. If I wasn't already married, I would call dibs on the last one.

Stay classy, gentlemen.

Things I'm Addicted To: Ghost Shows

Much like the folks on Intervention, I am easily addicted to television shows (difference being my addiction involves 100% less meth). The fact that I just mentioned Intervention proves that I am usually late to adopt television trends (and web trends. Have you guys checked out this icanhascheezburger.com thing? Hilarious.) So this summer, thanks to my sister, I have become addicted to ghost shows. Any type of ghost show. I don’t discriminate. Below is a sample of the shows I have become addicted to. They’re not that scary while you’re watching them, but they get to you afterwards. Now, every time I hear a noise in my house, I think this is going to appear:

Srlsly though, washing face = totally vulnerable.

First up is Ghost Hunters on the Sci Fi channel. The show follows TAPS (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) as they try to disprove hauntings in various creepy places. This is probably the most “legitimate” and “scientific” of the ghost shows I watch. I also watch the spinoff called Ghost Hunters International. This is for people who believe that ghosts also exist outside of America (ridiculous). GHI is pretty much the same as Ghost Hunters original but also features a guy with an accent.

Next we have Paranormal State on A&E. I’ve heard it’s from the same people who produced Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County. I don’t know if this is actually true because I don’t do any research, but it explains a lot. Accoring to IMDb the “story follows members of the famous Penn State Paranormal Research Society as they investigate strange and unusual phenomena across the country”. Famous? Probably not. But they are educated and because it’s a group from a university that means everything they show is true. Paranormal State has taught me that voodoo dolls are the worst idea ever and that Chip Coffey is the best.

Finally, there’s Psychic Kids: Children of the Paranormal which is also on A&E. This is almost exactly like Paranormal State but with kids, an hour-length format, and a lot more exploitation and crying. Chip Coffey is also involved!

Below is a clip from Paranormal State to wet your whistle (gross phrase) for ghost shows:

Finally, this is what all ghosts should look like:

RAVOTD

Everyday at work I send a group of my co-workers a RAVOTD (Randomly Awesome Video of the Day. This seemed like the best name for it at the time). Anyway, they put up with totally love it. I thought I would post a few of my favorites from time to time on my blogspace for your enjoyment.



This one is good too.

Close Encounters of the “Yes, Aliens Definitely Exist” Kind

So some NASA astronaut (he spent 9 hours and 17 minutes walking on the moon!) has claimed that aliens do exist and that the government has been trying to cover it up for over 60 years (article here). Apparently the aliens look similar to how they have been portrayed in the media – they are small-framed with large heads and large eyes (see picture below). I’m relieved because this is the least threatening looking alien variation that the media has brought us. ET would have been too scary, but if he had said that they looked like the aliens in Signs, I probably would have locked myself in my panic room (doesn’t everyone have one?) and never come out. Signs is the reason that I keep a glass of water by my bed and am always on the lookout for subtle changes in my walls lest an alien pop out and kill me where I stand.

Seriously, I would say that overall I’m kind of excited about this(?). I do find myself wondering is this is just viral marketing for the new X-Files movie though.

I want to believe.

Bloggin'

I've heard these blog things are the future of communication, guys. I'm on the forefront.

This is me.

This is me too.

Anywho, what better way to start out my blog than by posting the most flattering picture that I can find of myself. And since there are about four people who are going to read this, ok three at the most (*fingers crossed*), I’m putting flattering pictures of them up too.

I'm pretty much Vice President of Shark Week Artistry for the Discovery Channel now.

You can Shark Week yourselves as well gentle readers! Go here